The Working Wife

This week has been an odd one for me so far. Work has been good. Home has been good. House is clean. Husband is happy. Kitty is happy. Everything is good. But I have been struggling with something this week... and I struggle with it from time to time.

I want to be a homemaker. A stay-at-home-wife. I want to cook and clean and have dinner on the table at the end of the day before it feels too late to eat. I want to get up and do grocery shopping in the morning. I want to get some bigger cleaning projects done that I know will take several hours. I want to start couponing.

Instead of all of those things, I go and sit at a desk all day dreaming about our little apartment and my husband and our kitten. I go home at the end of the day and squeeze in cooking a quick dinner (Emeals- woot woot!), put up my feet for a little while, maybe manage to clean the litter box and do some dishes, and then go to bed. That's my every day.

Most weeks, I don't dwell on this. Don't get me wrong - I am so blessed to be in a position that I can get my husband through school. I'm so happy he chose me and that we are on this path together. I'm so dumbfounded when I truly realized just how much God has blessed us with everything we have that I'm sometimes left speechless.

Sometimes though, I just can't shake that desire that seems to be ingrained in me. And maybe, maybe it will happen someday.

I'm thankful that I have a husband who would support me either way. He would love for me to be a stay-at-home-wife but he is totally cool with me being a working woman, too. We are both passionate about me being home full-time once we have children, though. I try to keep a realistic perspective and understand that things may not go that way. God may have other plans that don't match my plans.

One thing I do know for sure is that I'm thankful for my job. I am thankful for the people I work with and the small intricate details God worked out for me to be here. I will probably never fully understand His ways, but I know His ways are perfect.

It's funny, the challenges we have faced with my working full time and Alex being in school full time were not necessarily the challenges we thought we would face. It just goes to show that not everything is predictable. This whole journey has been a lot of guessing which door is the best to walk through without getting to peak first. As we approach Alex's April graduation (which is coming fast!), we are faced once again with several doors. There are a variety of options of what could be next, but it's truly impossible to choose without God leading us.

I guess I'm saying all of this to really say, that even when things are necessarily your idea of ideal, God still blesses, provides, and nurtures. He still loves unconditionally, and he helps when you are down. What I thought wasn't ideal turned into my life, my version of normal. I am a working wife putting her husband through grad school. And I'm SO thankful. But he's graduating in 5 months! Then what? Who knows! But what I do know is that God provides in very mysterious ways, and He seems to be opening many potential opportunities up for my husband.

If I can't get the house as clean as I want it, can't get the various projects done, can't get started couponing - that's really okay; it's not what I was really called to do. I was called to love the Lord, love and respect my husband and follow his leading our family. I think this "odd" week so far has been God's gentle reminder of those things. I knew this little nudging in my mind wasn't just so I could go around feeling discontent, this little discontented feeling was my humanness trying to take over.

All that said, I welcome advice! All you seasoned wives out there who have juggled working full-time yet somehow managing to be a domestic goddess - how do YOU do it?? I would love to share tips and tricks and learn and grow from other women! Thank GOD He calls us to be in fellowship!

xoxo